7 Signs You're Carrying Resentment You Haven't Acknowledged

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You know that feeling when your friend texts with good news and your first reaction isn't happiness? It's that split second before you catch yourself. Before you type "OMG congrats!!!" with three exclamation points you don't mean. Before you paste on the smile and say the right thing because there is a part of you that’s genuinely happy for them. In that split second, there's something else though. Something hot and tight in your chest. Something that whispers: Of course it's easy for her. Of course she got it. Of course.

That's resentment. And if you felt a ping of recognition just now—if you know exactly what I'm talking about—this post is for you.

Why Resentment Hides

Here's the thing about resentment: it doesn't announce itself. It doesn't show up and say, "Hi, I'm here, I'm making you bitter, let's talk about it." It disguises itself. It hides behind other emotions. It masquerades as tiredness, or stress, or "just having a bad day." We don't want to admit we're resentful because resentment sounds petty. It sounds small and ungrateful and like proof that we're not evolved enough, not spiritual enough, not generous enough, not kind enough. That you’re really a bad person or at least, not a good one. 

So we shove it down. We pretend it's not there. We tell ourselves we're fine. But resentment doesn't disappear just because you ignore it. It’s still growing and calcifying. It becomes the lens through which you see everything—and you don't even realize it's happening. So let's pull back the curtain and look at the signs telling you you’re holding onto resentment.

Sign 1: You Can't Celebrate Other People's Wins

Your friend gets engaged. Your coworker gets promoted. Your sister buys a house. And you say the right things. You smile. You hug them. You type "So happy for you!" in the group chat. But you don't feel it.

What you feel is that stomach-drop. That immediate mental calculation: Why them and not me? What do they have that I don't? How is this fair?

Their success doesn't feel like their success. It feels like your failure or worse, your due that went to someone else. You're not celebrating with them. You're comparing yourself to them. And losing. This doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human. But it's a sign that resentment has taken root.

Sign 2: You're Keeping Score

You can recite the list.

All the times you worked harder and got less. All the opportunities that went to someone else. All the moments in life that were unfair and you noticed, and you remembered. You're keeping a tally. A mental ledger of who has what, who got the break you deserved, and who had advantages you didn't.

And the list keeps growing. Every new injustice gets added. Every time someone else's life looks easier, it goes on the mental ledger. Every time you do the right thing and nothing comes of it, or get burned for it, you make a note. You might not even realize you're doing it. But the list is there, running in the background like an app you can't close. That's resentment. It's scorekeeping. And it's exhausting.

Sign 3: You Avoid Certain People or Topics

There are people you've muted on social media. Not because they did anything wrong. Just because seeing their posts makes you feel like shit and unlocks your jealousy. There are topics you steer conversations away from. Names you don't want to hear. Updates you don't want to receive.

When someone brings them up, your stomach tightens. You change the subject. Or, you make an excuse to leave. You're not angry, exactly. You're just... done. Done pretending to be happy for them. Done acting like it doesn't sting. Avoidance is a coping mechanism. And it's a sign that there's resentment you haven't dealt with.

Sign 4: You Feel Bitter About Your Own Life

Even when good things happen to you, they don't feel good enough.

You get a raise—but it's smaller than you wanted.

You meet someone interesting—but they're not as attractive as your ex's new partner.

You finish a project—but no one notices the way they noticed when she did hers.

Nothing measures up. Nothing satisfies. The goalposts keep moving. Because you're not measuring your life against your own standards. You're measuring it against everyone else's. And by that metric, you're always coming up short. That constant bitterness, that feeling of not enough—that's resentment poisoning your ability to appreciate what you actually have. It’s no wonder gratitude can feel like an impossible mountain to climb. 

Sign 5: You're Exhausted by Comparison

You can't scroll social media without spiraling. Every post becomes a comparison trap. Every update is a reminder of what you don't have. Every photo is evidence that someone else's life is better, easier, or more beautiful than yours.

You tell yourself you should just delete the apps or ignore the page. But you don't. Because part of you needs to know. Needs to see what everyone else is doing, what they have, where they're going. It's compulsive and exhausting. And it leaves you feeling worse every single time.

This is resentment in action. It keeps you locked in a cycle of comparison, scanning for proof that life is unfair, that you're falling behind, and that everyone else is winning and you're not.

Sign 6: You Have Fantasies of Them Failing

You don't wish them harm, exactly. You're not that person. But, you do imagine scenarios where things don't work out for them. Where their perfect relationship falls apart. Where their dream job turns out to be a nightmare. Where their success crumbles. Not because you're cruel. But because it would feel more fair.

If they suffered just a little, if they struggled the way you've struggled, if they experienced disappointment the way you have—at least then you'd be even. At least then the scales would balance. These fantasies aren't about hurting them. They're about soothing your own sense of injustice. But they're still a sign. A sign that resentment is running deeper than you want to admit.

Sign 7: Nothing Feels Like Enough

Here's the cruelest part: even when you get what you wanted, the resentment doesn't go away. It’s normalized now. 

You finally get the promotion—but you're angry it took so long.

You meet someone great—but you're bitter about all the time you wasted on people who didn't deserve you.

You reach a goal—but you immediately start thinking about the next one, the bigger one, the one they already have while you’re just catching up.

Nothing lands. Nothing satisfies. Because the resentment isn't really about the thing. It's about the feeling that life has been unfair, that you've been overlooked, and that you deserved better. And no amount of external success will fix that feeling until you deal with the resentment itself.

Why This Matters

If you recognized yourself in any of these signs—even one of them—it's okay. You're not broken. And you're not a bad person. You're not spiritually deficient either. You're human. And resentment is part of the human experience, especially when life has actually been unfair to you. Which it has. In ways big and small.

But here's why it matters: resentment left untended becomes toxic. It poisons your relationships. It steals your joy. It keeps you locked in the past, replaying old grievances instead of building something new. And most importantly, it costs you your power.

Every moment you spend focused on what someone else has is a moment you're not spending on your own life. Every ounce of energy you pour into bitterness is energy you could be using to create, to risk, and to become the YOU of your dreams. Resentment makes you a spectator in your own life. And you deserve better than that.

What Resentment is Protecting You From

Before we talk about releasing resentment, you need to understand something: it's not just bitterness. It's your armor. Resentment is protecting you from something. And until you know what that something is, you can't let it go. Here's what resentment might be protecting you from:

Disappointment. If you stay focused on what they have, you don't have to risk wanting something for yourself and not getting it. "If only" keeps you safe. It means the failure isn't really yours—it's circumstances, unfairness, or bad luck. 

Grief. Underneath the resentment is often deep sadness. Sadness that your life isn't what you thought it would be. Sadness that you've worked so hard and it hasn't paid off. Grief is vulnerable. Resentment is easier.

Action. As long as you're focused on how unfair everything is, you don't have to ask yourself: What am I going to do about this? Because taking action means taking responsibility. And what if you try and fail anyway? Hmmm.

Resentment is a trap. But it's a comfortable trap. One you’ve lived in for too long. 

One Practice to Try

If you're ready to start working with your resentment—not bypassing it, but actually working with it—try this:

The Resentment Letter

Write a letter to the person or situation you resent. Don't hold back. Don't be spiritual or profound about it. Don't be kind either.

Say everything you've been swallowing. Every unfair thing. Every way they hurt you or got something you deserved or didn't appreciate what they had.

Let the resentment speak. Give it a voice. Let it be as ugly as it needs to be.

Then—and this is important—don't send it.

This isn't about them. This is about you getting it OUT of your body.

Once it's written, you have some options:

• Burn it (safely—use a fireproof bowl, work outside or near water)

• Tear it up and bury it

• Keep it and read it a month from now to see how much has shifted

The act of writing moves the resentment from inside you onto the page. It's no longer consuming you from within. It's outside you, and witnessed.

And once it's outside, you can start to let it go.

Just know that this one letter isn’t going to fix it. You may have to write several letters which is totally normal. Give yourself as much time as you need to work through your resentment. 

There's More

Recognizing your resentment is the first step. It's brave, and it's not easy. But if you want to go deeper—if you're ready to actually transform the resentment instead of just managing it—there's more available.

Inside The Unfolding, I'm teaching a complete November journey from Resentment to Gratitude.This is not a quick fix. Not a meditation that tells you to "just let it go." A real, embodied, month-long practice that honors the shadow AND the light.

Here's what you get:

• A full video course that walks you through the entire transformation—why resentment shows up, what it's protecting you from, how to work with it, and how to find real (not performative) gratitude.

• Tarot spreads designed specifically for this work. Cards to help you see where your resentment is rooted, what it costs you, and where gratitude is waiting.

• Seasonal timing guidance showing you how late autumn, Scorpio, Sagittarius, and Samhain all support this transformation. You'll understand WHY November is the perfect time for this work.

• Recipes and food correspondences—what to eat and cook to ground the resentment and invite sweetness. Food as ritual, as magic, as medicine.

• Three rituals of varying depth—from a simple daily practice to a full ceremonial release. You pick what resonates.

• Journal prompts that take you deeper, helping you integrate the work and carry it beyond November.

This isn't surface-level content. This is the real, messy, difficult, beautiful work of transformation.

And I'm doing it WITH you. Month by month. Season by season.

You're not alone in your resentment.

You're not uniquely bitter or broken or behind.

You're human. And resentment is what happens when life is unfair and you notice.

But you don't have to stay there.

The season is showing you how to transform it. The question is: are you ready?